told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
