I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
