Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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