ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just google imaged poop.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
sarcasm needs its own font
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
