Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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