You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
