You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
