2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
