A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
3 2 1 whiskey
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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