Im at strip club and am horny
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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