The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
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Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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