If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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