so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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