her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
