I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
