Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
