isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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