I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
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so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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