weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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