What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
