you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
