Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
