$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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