I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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