his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
accomplished twins. life is a go
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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