Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just had sex on a roof
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
