i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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