Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
