If that was your dad, he is hot
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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