Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
