all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
