ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
