Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
