its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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