My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
