Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
