You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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