There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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