I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
