I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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