drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
