Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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