the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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