and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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