also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
