I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
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They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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