Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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