Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize