i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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