Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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