just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
