There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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