I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize