: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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