Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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