If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
