i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
