You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
3pm strippers are depressing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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