First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
