i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
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there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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