Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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