Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
