im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
