Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
