you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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