I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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